The ticker at the top of this page says that it has been One Year, Three Weeks, and Four Days since my baby died. I am constantly left in awe of the fact that the world just...keeps going...people just, well, they keep living. The birds that chirped when we left the hospital before dawn left for the winter, but now they are back and they are chirping again. Seriously, WTF. It's exactly as though nothing has happened.
Have you ever seen one of those special airplanes go zipping through the sky, faster than the speed of sound, and been struck by the silence of the world around it? Thats how I feel, one year, three weeks and four days after that sweet little girl left. How is it possible that things can continue on after Phoebe just the way they did before Phoebe? I find myself anticipating a blast, the noise, a sonic boom. Maybe it will be me yelling as loud as I can HELLO YOU PEOPLE!!! MY BABY IS DEAD! DEAD!!!!
Doesn't it matter...?
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Oh Gina, It DOES matter. It matters to sooo many people, I know it probably sounds odd, but I think of her so often. I shed tears too. Our world moves on...it is our choice to let it move on without us, or try our best to pick ourselves up and move with it. Its would be nice if we could freeze some moments...so we could go back to them later, but that would change what happens to our joys and sorrows in the future. Lets have tea soon, maybe we can do some crying together:)
ReplyDeleteAh Melody, thank you. I appreciate knowing that she is remembered by friends. I didn't mean that I haven't been wonderfully supported by you all, I hope you know that. And thank you for freezing those moments the best you could in the beautiful pictures you took for us! Look forward to seeing you soon!
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